A man walks into a dimly lit sports bar right across the
street from Fenway Park
He gets halfway through it when Sports
Center
The first man sighs heavily and continues to sip his drink.
He has seen the days of Bobby Orr, Gordie Howe, and Brett Hull. He is
pessimistic about the future of the NHL and how once again the fans lost a pissing contest between billionaires and millionaires.
Suddenly a fellow patron comes to the bar, orders a drink,
guzzles half of it, and then slaps the first man on the shoulder. For too long
he has been robbed of his favorite sport and is elated to see it’s return.
The optimist turns to the pessimist, smiles, and raises his
glass to propose a toast.
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Glass Half Full Guy:
To the triumphant return of Hockey to the national stage!
Glass Half Empty Guy:
Yeah great, it only took them the better part of three months for them to reach
an agreement….
Glass Half Full Guy:
Yeah it’s rough, but hey we have Hockey in spite of Garry Bettman and Donald Fehr.
They tried awfully hard to take this game away from us, but they couldn’t do
it.
Glass Half Empty Guy:
I suppose you plan on watching every game that they have coming up don’t you?
Glass Half Full Guy:
You bet. We are talking Bruins, Rangers, Kings, Devils, heck maybe even the
Panthers will even make a run at the Cup again. Who do you have coming out of
the Atlantic Division?
Glass Half Empty Guy:
(sighs) I don’t plan on watching a single game this season. I have no intention
of giving a colluded league a single dime of my money. And I don’t plan on associating
myself with the NHL ever again.
Glass Half Full Guy:
Now why would you go and say a crazy thing like that?
Glass Half Empty Guy:
Because those at the top seem to have no interest in fixing their broken
business product. This was the third lockout Bettman has overseen in the last
20 years. A year ago the NHL posted record revenues and honestly had a chance
to compete with the NBA for fans on a nightly basis.
Instead, Bettman and his goons decided to once again piss
away all of the good that they managed to accomplish. And for what, a 64.3
million dollar salary cap next year instead of 70.2 million this year?
Glass Half Full Guy:
A couple of things. First off, nobody hates Garry Bettman more than die hard
hockey fans.
We are neither blind nor ignorant to the way he treats us. We
know that we come out looking like the dogs in the Sarah McLachlan commercials.
And every single NHL fan wants Bettman strung up by his nether region,
repeatedly beaten with maple hockey sticks, and then fired in the most shameful
way possible.
Second, while there is a great amount of stuff dealing with not
making contracts back heavy and contract limits the players got something very
important: better pensions.
Glass Half Empty Guy:
But it’s not like hockey players didn’t have pensions before.
The last time the NHL updated its pension policy was in
1993. Every player who played over 400 games in their career got 1,250 dollars
on a yearly basis.
Glass Half Full Guy:
Right. And about one forth of the pension plan money came from the NHLPA’s
pocket.
At least with a structure for better pensions, the players
will be able to get better care after they stop playing.
Glass Half Empty Guy:
But do you really feel that bad for these guys after their careers are over?
The league minimum last year was 525,000 dollars. The bum at the end of the
bench makes six figures a year. Guys like Steven Stamkos probably make more
money than the entire province of Alberta
Glass Half Full Guy:
Yes these guys make more money in five years than I’ll ever see in my entire
lifetime, but that is beside the point.
First of all there are countless more stadium workers who
don’t make six figures a year that can now get back to work as a result of the
lockout ending. They lost a good chunk of their salary as a direct result of
the lockout and now they get to work more. That is great news.
Glass Half Empty Guy:
I’ll give you that for sure.
Glass Half Full Guy:
Glad we agree on something. But more to your initial point it’s not about the
money. The world of sports is better off with hockey as a part of it.
You remember Mark Messier’s guarantee game and Bobby Orr
flying over that guy’s skate scoring the game winning goal don’t you? Hockey
can bring people together….
Glass Half Empty Guy:
..And drive them apart after the collective bargaining agreement expires. Who
is to say that the second longest work stoppage in league history is not going
to happen again in eight years because Jeremy Jacobs doesn’t want to share
money with Charles Wang?
It isn’t just hockey. We’ve been seeing recently that the
business aspect of professional sports is tarnishing the purity of the games
themselves.
Entire sports bar:
Hear hear!
Glass Half Full Guy:
I’ll drink to that sad but true statement.
Even so every sport has its problems. The NFL doesn’t care
about player safety even with an
alarming increase in concussion lawsuits and player suicides. The NBA is dictated
entirely by the players and becoming too top heavy as a result. And baseball is
on the decline because the game ‘takes too long’ in a faster paced age.
As hockey fans we know what the league’s faults are. I’d
argue that most of them aren’t related to the product that is being put on the
ice nightly.
Glass Half Empty Guy:
By that token though it feels like you guys act stunned when the same things
that have been happening to you over the last 20 years continue to ruin your
sport. That’s what I don’t get.
Glass Half Full Guy:
That is because you hear more disappointment from the diehards than surprise. There
are times when we can’t believe that the NHL is run by a bunch of incompetent fools
hell-bent on ruining the game we love. But we love hockey in spite of them.
Besides, once the playoffs roll around you are definitely
going to watch hockey. Playoff hockey is so much better than normal hockey and
everyone loves to watch it.
Glass Half Empty Guy:
And what makes you think that I’ll turn on the NHL?
Glass Half Full Guy:
For the same reason you get on our cases for being so loyal to the game: hockey
compels people to watch it.
For better or worse the NHL will find a way to rope back in the
ungodly loyal, the casual, and non cynical viewers to boost their product again
to the same heights of last season.
And maybe by that point, Bettman will be forced to resign and
the game can actually grow.
Glass Half Empty Guy:
(shaking head somberly) Albert Einstein once said that the definition of
insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different
results. That is the case with hockey in my opinion.
Glass Half Full Guy:
Well Francis Bacon said ‘there is in human
nature generally more of the fool than of the wise.’
Are die hard hockey fans
foolish for not seeing these pitfalls? To an extent. But it is way better than
the alternative.
Glass Half Empty Guy: Which is?
Glass Half Full Guy: To shut off everything we love about the game just because a few bad
apples are trying to ruin the whole batch.
If we give up on the game, they win.
And that is unacceptable.
Glass Half Empty Guy: (sighs) I guess. By the way, who the hell is Francis Bacon?
Glass Half Full Guy: Kevin Bacon’s smarter brother maybe, I don’t know. I found the quote on the internet.
Glass Half Empty Guy: Oh well, to the NHL (raises glass). Fire Bettman!
Entire Sports bar: Fire Bettman!!!!
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